It's because we are going to be real grown ups

We put an offer on this house, and they accepted....

It's because I really needed this today

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. Most putts don’t stop. Most meat is tuff. Most children grow up to be just people. Most marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more dull than otherwise… Life is like am old-time rail journey – delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”

Gordon B Hinkley quoting Jenkin Lloyd Jones

It's because woman only have 1 flaw

One Flaw In Women
Women have strengths that amaze men....
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in..
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give..
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

It's because we finally got a new camera

We are finally real grownups who no longer have only our phones to take pictures.

I think I'm in love!

Of course with him! I love this face...And this one

Zach got sting by a bee...

He went to the dr and got a shot in the bum and has to carry this contraption (epi-pen) around at all times. Its all fun and games until someone gets stung. Yes, that is an alligator/crocodile skull on the top shelf in my family room. Yes, my husband loves it - and I love him therefore it has not been "accidentally" broken. Yes, I sometimes leave little notes from the poor little thing telling Wade how much he misses his Mommy and how badly he wants to go back to the swamp. No, it doesn't work.

Tevya and Zach. I love this classic 1970's white trash photo behind Zach's head. Out of us 5 kids (Steven wasn't born yet) my mom only managed to get Heidi and Susan's hair combed, the bow-tie on my dress isn't tied, Tim and David look homeless and Heidi looks like the Grinch. To this day David sings "Your a mean one Mr Grinch" to Heidi. If my house were on fire, this is one of the first things I would grab.

Heidi

I have a new obsession. I made this last weekend, September was too long for the shelf so I had to compromise. If the power/water/gas in my home ever gets turned off it's because I spent all of my money at The Wood Connection.

I got this one for my birthday, along with some other stuff that I will need to take pictures of. I really want this next. Lucky for me I have a nice husband who surprises me with things like this sometimes. (the one I made was - in my opinion - better looking than this one) My cute husband in our dirty room. I'm not being cheeky, it really is messy.

I made these owls to represent everyone in the family as a bonding thing. The kids actually got really into it and had fun picking out the paper they wanted on their owls.

Wade and I.
(Please don't look at the fact that these shelves need to be dusted)

Bryce (black with white stripes), Zach (paper that says Jordan High School) and Tevya (Zebra)
Ally (purple), Heidi (blue polka dots) and Michaela (pink words) Teirza (pink Disney), Jack (circles) and Jr (camo)

It's because I'm glad that I'm married and don't have to deal with people like this anymore

I was cleaning out my email today and came across this little gem.

Yep, I'm glad I'm married!

February 26, 2008

Daniel,

First of all, I had some reservations about you from early on. I had the inclination that you are a bit flaky. You would call me and then say you would call again at a later time that same evening and never do it. You would get off the phone abruptly and say that you would call "right" back and call three days later. I wasn't sure I wanted to go out with you and felt a bit apprehensive. After talking to a friend I thought I would give you the benefit of doubt and go ahead with it.

After our phone conversation on Saturday morning I started to feel a little uneasy. Some of the things that you had said really bothered me. It seems that you are very concerned about what other people are doing, almost as though you are trying to justify to yourself things that maybe you yourself are doing. I don't care how many men, women, or ward members drink, smoke, do drugs or are into porn. I was also very uncomfortable when you were talking about you and your wife's sex life. That was inappropriate and to early to discuss. The only reason I mentioned to you that my ex-husband and I had no problems in that area is because I was under the impression you felt as though his cheating was somehow my fault. It was not.

Saturday when you called at 5:25 to let me know you were running late and would be another 25 minutes I was fine with that, things happen. After waiting for 20 minutes I decided to ask if you wanted to meet somewhere to eat, as a woman I feel more comfortable meeting for the first time in a public place - not a parking lot. When you called and said that you had eaten an hour ago and suggested I go to the food court to get something to eat, to put it mildly I was appalled. When you then revealed you were still 35 minutes away I was further appalled. What grown man asks a woman out, eats before he comes, shows up an hour late and then to add insult to injury suggests she go to the food court if she is hungry? What kind of person - who has daughters - would think it is ok to just take a lady out to his car in the parking lot of the mall to "get to know each other better"? I am a great catch and was very irritated at your lack of thinking that there was anything wrong with this behavior. First dates are a time to impress the person you are going out with - I am not impressed.


Hi Laurie,

I am very sorry for the bad impression. Truely, it wasn't as it seemed. After reading your email I can see how it came across that way. I apologize a thousand times. I really am interested in you. I do have a busy life but I didn't realize how it came across over the phone. I am a little laid back sometimes but that is often because I am comfortable with the person I am getting to know as I thought I did with you. I didn't realize you were feeling the way you did in your email. Honestly, it would have been easy to say all this to me in person I'm not hard to talked to. And it would have given me the opportunity to clean up what you thought of me. You do seem like a catch that's why I wanted to meet you. It would have been an honor for me. As for the eating at the food court I didn't realize how it sounded. Again, I apologize. I did wait there for a while (at the mall) in hope that you would change your mind but I don't blame you for feeling that way. I got what I deserve. I should have been more mindful and I hope you can forgive me. I've enjoyed our phone dates and I would sincerely love another opportunity to meet you in person. It would be ashame after coming this far into getting to know you that I don't get to meet you in person as well but I would understand if you chose not to. There is no hard feelings.

Sincerely,Daniel
Daniel,

I'm sorry but I'm no longer interested.
I too have a busy life, 5:30 wasn't that convent for me. I was running errands all day, I didn't even get in the shower until 4:20, I left my 3-year-old crying at home because he didn't want me to leave - I was still there on time with out excuses. I said I would be there and I was. The fact that you were so complacent about it is troublesome. I fell like you lied to me when you said that you were only 25 minutes away because it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to tell the truth that you haven’t even left Provo yet and you are going to be 60 min – not 25. All my life I have been treated like this from men and I’m not going to stand for it anymore. We teach people how we want to be treated, and this is not acceptable. In the future, when you date women, don’t get to comfortable after 2 weeks. It is a complete turn off. I left my marriage for the same behavior you displayed this weekend, I will not be sucked into that kind of a relationship again. Good luck, I hope you find what you are looking for – she just isn’t me.
Hi Laurie,

Honestly, I wasn't making excuses. I had one delay after the other before I was to meet with you. I was trying to be calm about it when I was talking to you. I am so sorry that I made the mistake of assuming. I agree, you deserve to be treated well. I want to be that person who gives you that attention. I really would like another opportunity to meet you in person and do better. Honestly, I think you will be happy to find that I am not what you had a bad impression about. At least talk to me on the phone again and find out, what do you have to lose. You might even feel better beating me up over the phone. Again, I am very very sorry you got the wrong impression about me. Please think about it. Again, at least give it a try you have nothing to lose.

Sincerely,
Daniel
I didn't respond to the last one - and looking back now I really think he was married. And I was kind or a b word.

It’s because statistics say that it takes 4-7 years for step families to feel like a traditional family

Wade and I went out last night with his parents to see the Pioneer Day Commemoration with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra at Temple Square. It was such a good concert.

I love going on dates with my husband and it was exactly what I needed. One of the first songs that they sang was "Come, Come, Ye Saints". The words of this song are so powerful, and it's always amazing to me how music has the ability to stir something deep inside you and touch your soul.

I was especially touched by the words, "Why should we mourn, or think our lot is hard, tis not so, all is bright. Why do we think to earn a great reward, if now we shun the fight? Gird up your loans, fresh courage take, our God will never us forsake. And soon we'll have this tale to tell, all is well, all is well".

I've really been struggling lately with all of the changes in my life. I'm reluctant to even say that because I don't want anyone to think that I'm unhappy. I do not do well with change, and am the type of person who needs to know what's going on and wants to have a plan . With a family of 11 that just isn't possable.

I've been reading a really good book called "Stepcoupling", and I really think it has saved my life. Things have been going pretty well, but there has been some bumps in the road and I really needed something to help me compartmentalize my feelings.

The first thing I learned is that it takes between 4-7 years for a step family to feel like a traditional family. That was a much needed slap in the face. When we got married I had unrealistic expectations. I thought that because Wade and I love each other that everything would go smoothly and all of the kids would love each other too. When they get irritated with each other I would take it personally - in fact, when anything happened that I naively thought wouldn't, I would take it personally. All my lovely thoughts and high hopes flew out the window and I felt like I was a failure as a mom and stepmom.

"Some experts believe that the transition to remarriage is more stressful for children than the transition to divorce. During divorce, adults and children experience the same loss in unison... these events involve shared grief, loss, and change for adults and children. When you create a new family, the adults view the accompanying changes as positive, healing events. Your gain, however, is your child's loss. They feel these loses - of parental time and attention, familiar routines, personal space - as deeply as you feel delight at having found someone to love again."

That was slap #2 in the face. I no longer have unrealistic expectation that our new family is going to feel comfortable and safe in a matter of weeks. It takes time, and I have a lot of that so I can be patient.

I am also learning to be flexible. I made this really cute wood decoration that says Higbee, and Michaela had a total melt down about it, crying that she is not a Higbee kid and it's not fair. I thought I was making something cute to put in the house because this is the first time in a long time that I feel that I have a last name that doesn't belong to someone else... it will come down until she is no longer threatened by it anymore.

Everyone in a step family has to stretch their former comfort zones to include new people and unfamiliar ways of doing things, as boundaries expand -with time, patience and love - the loyalty that once flowed along blood lines WILL loosen enough to permit a step family to grow. Music to my ears!

I'm learning, and with that I know that everything will turn out ok in the end. I love my blended family and I think that we both have really great kids. I have a really good partner in Wade, and I'm so grateful that he is my husband. Over time, and as our family matures, the gap between expectations and experience will narrow, and then we will all enjoy the unique dynamic we have in our step family.

I just hope it's closer to the 4 years than the 7, just sayin.



Laurie

It's because it's finally warm enough

It's Because We Are Outnumbered

School will be out next Wednesday and I’m looking forward to not having to get kids up for school and taking them to where they need to be before 7:15 am.

But of course there’s opposition in all things because no school = 9 kids in a 1200 square foot townhouse all day long… Wish us luck, Wade and I are outnumbered.

Yep, we live in a 1200 square foot townhouse. When I moved in I had no plans on getting married anytime soon – I wasn't even dating anyone at the time - and was going to stay at least 2 years until I could buy something on my own. It was the perfect size for the 5 of us – and after living with my parents for 3 years it seemed huge to me.

The lease is up in January, and we will be moving into a house then – and I cannot wait! I’ve been researching areas and what will be the best place for the best price and we’ve narrowed it down to Lehi. When we mentioned to the kids that we were thinking about moving to Lehi I thought for sure they’d throw a fit. Especially Heidi. But they all seem really excited about it, so that makes it even better. It will be nice to have a fresh new start with everything new for everyone. If that makes sense.

The kids are excited for summer. We bought Lagoon season passes for the family, as well as Zoo passes, and we're planning a few camping trips. My kids will be going to Las Vegas to visit their dad for a month - and Wade and I will have 2 full weeks off with no kids - we do still have to work though. We plan on taking "Gemma" (the Harley) out quite a bit and doing some fun weekend trips. I can't wait for the laziness of Summer!

It's because my other one got deleted...

My horrid Zumba experience.

My hilarious dating experiences, that didn't seem hilarious at the time.

The time I freaked out (a bit irrationally) on a guy over email... and blamed the entire thing on PMS.

Confessing my undying adolescent love for Monte Parish, and then him reading it because Marque Trosper told him to - and then him leaving a comment.

All of the funny and sweet things my kids have said.

Pictures of my garden, pies I've made and bread I baked.

All gone!

My old blog got deleted, I have no idea why.

I never said shut up in it and I never called anyone a bad name. I followed the rules, I promise.

How disappointing, now I wish I wouldn't have.

I tried to look at it one day, and BOOM, it was gone. I had some funny stuff on there too.

*sigh*

Well, it was probably time to start a new one anyway.

A lot has changed in my life in the past 6 months. I got married (3 months ago yesterday) to the perfect guy. Added 5 more wonderful kids to my family - making a grand total of 9 - and, well... I think that's enough changes.

It's probably time to me more mature anyway. Even though we all know that's totally over rated.

It's a new and exciting chapter of my life and now a new blog.

I just hope this one doesn't get deleted too.

It's Because Wonder Woman Does Not Live at my House

We live in a society that women are told that we can have it all. We can work full time, balance marriage kids, friends and do it all 100%.

That's a big fat lie.

I'm not perfect and the new adjustment in my life has been hard for everyone.

I make mistakes all of the time.

I sometimes don't handle situations as well as I should.

I feel guilt all the time.

I worry all the time.

I want to be everywhere all at one, I want to be everything to everybody.

I fail often.

For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn't do it all, I felt (and still do) that I borrow from Peter to pay Paul. Constantly juggling and always dropping the ball.

One of my favorite talks at conference this year was about women. It was beautiful and everything I needed to hear. I found peace when Quentin L Cook said this:

"First, no woman should ever feel the need to apologize or feel that her contribution is less significant because she is devoting her primary efforts to raising and nurturing children. Nothing could be more significant in our Father in Heaven’s plan. Second, we should all be careful not to be judgmental or assume that sisters are less valiant if the decision is made to work outside the home. We rarely understand or fully appreciate people’s circumstances. Husbands and wives should prayerfully counsel together, understanding they are accountable to God for their decisions."

I. absolutely. agree.

Yep, Wonder Woman does not live at my house - but I'm ok with that.

It's Because I love to Read

I just finished this book. I loved it! It is very rare to come upon a book that makes you forget that the characters are not real and that the writing is fiction. I fell in love with the Literary Society and found myself yearning to join and be a part of their group. I want to be Juliet Ashton she is clever and charming, sensitive and smart. I loved seeing things through her eyes.

My favorite part was the second to the last paragraph in the book where she is writing a letter to her friend Sidney and she says “Is it unseemly to get married so quickly? I don’t want to wait – I want to begin at once. All my life I thought that the story was over when the hero and heroine were safely engaged – after all, what’s good enough for Jane Austen ought to be good enough for anyone. But it’s a lie. The story is about to begin, and every day will be a new piece of the plot.” I loved this because it was exactly how I felt when I married my husband after only knowing him for 3 months. He has 5 kids (making a grand total of 9) and everyone thought I was crazy. But I knew it was right and I went for it. It was the best decision I have ever made in my entire 36 years of life.

I will be giving this book as gifts to anyone and everyone I can think of.

It's because I'm really getting married this time

Yep.

That's right.

I'm getting married in 11 days.

I'm really excited, and for the first time in my life I know 150% I'm making the right decision. He is the perfect one for me, and I'm so grateful for the hard choices that I've had to make that have lead me to where I am right now.

I have such gratitude that I listened to the inner voice - that I like to call the spirit - and didn't go through with the marriage plans with the "other guy" because that would have been another huge mistake.

I knew that there was someone out there for me and I wasn't going to worry about it anymore. I made a deal with Heavenly Father that I would put myself in situations that I could meet him, but he had to send someone that would want to do some of the work. I knew that I was finally in a place where I could contribute to a relationship and be a really good partner.

I had joined an on line dating site and had met some pretty nice guys - and a lot of odd ones. I had seen Wade's picture and sent him a "flirt". A few minutes later he emailed me. We went back and forth a few times in the next hour or so and I decided to give him my cell phone #. The reason I did this was because a lot of guys are flaky and once you give them your phone number they back off. I thought that either he would text or call me, or he wouldn't - but at least I'd know. 

 

He texted immediately.

That was surprising.

He was funny and I liked him.

He called me that same night and we talked until 2 in the morning. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm the kind of person that what you see is what you get, and I really expect the same out of others. We talked about everything. He wasn't sketchy or dumb. He wasn't trying to be cool, and because of that I thought he was. When he talked about his family and his kids I knew this was someone I wanted to get to know.

Friday we talked all day. Saturday we went on our first date (best date I'd been on in a very long time). We hung out Sunday and by Monday I told the girl I sit next to at work that I was going to marry him someday.

And I am.

In 11 days.